A Thoughtful Day Before 2012!!!...

On the verge of entering yet another 'New Year', it is the time when some people think of turning a new leaf over in their lives while others recapitulate past events and revisit long-lost memories, wondering about where this journey of life has brought them and what's in store for them further ahead!...As for me, despite the cold winter chilling me to the bone, some kind of fire still rages on in my heart as I enter a world hidden deep beneath flesh and blood, in the farthest reaches of my brain!

At first, it's the usual!... Fleeting thoughts across the surface of the brain, about daily events, yesterday's class, tomorrow's celebrations, and so on and so forth... These thoughts go away as fast as they had appeared and do not make much of an impression. But, as one looks deeper, ........much much deeper!... , the thoughts become way more transparent. These are not fleeting thoughts, but are much more static, calm, definite and permanent. In fact, they are less like thoughts and more like the very things which define you and validate your existence!... 

So, Who Am I? Well, you might think, just another guy who went to school and following the usual trend, entered the engineering stream along with his friends and is now writing some philosophical crap on the internet! Hehe...Well, not quite!!!...There's much more to it than you would expect! I am the kind of guy who dreams of doing big things in life and strives his best towards it; but something always happens, a twist in the tale, a crack in the fuse, whenever I put my mind to something! Just for instance, during our college fests, I am one of the very few who have both the required technical know-how and the willingness to work but always has a hard time finding a team to work with. But let's not delve into all that! All of us have had our moments of glory too!... The new year is all about acknowledging one's past achievements and at the same time learning from one's past mistakes.

Also, how am I placed in life right now? That's another deeply ingrained question which I ask myself all the time, which is not so easy to answer. My personal life, with my amazing family and wonderful close friends, could scarcely get any better! My childhood has been fairly enjoyable, and I couldn't wish for much more! As far as my academic life is concerned, I have my own yardsticks for judging myself, but in general, I have cracked almost all the major exams in my life with reasonably good results, maybe some in which I would've liked to do better, but that's alright; I tried my best and that's what counts! So, is it that I'm really well placed? Well maybe; but not necessarily! Everyone is fighting a battle of their own at different levels; maybe not economically or physically, but emotionally or existentially!

So, all in all the situation is as complex as ever without too many well-defined answers, but isn't that what makes life so interesting? Anyhow, there is definitely one thing that I'll be carrying forth this new year and that is: "YOU should be defined by YOU"! Confused? What I mean is, you shouldn't be defined by where you're from or where you've studied or which family you belong to, etc, etc. You should be accepted and recognized by who you are and what you are, and your positives should be appreciated as they are! Everyone is unique and that's a gift! If you are prudently uncommon, one in a million, then you're special and people should not wish you to be like someone else of their choice!!!..... So, let's go out there, define ourselves and make a statement in this amazing brand-new year!!!.....

Honestly, I don't feel like stopping here because blogging gives me the feeling of close interaction with someone who might share the same thoughts as me, but a full stop must be drawn at some point or the other. So, until next year guys,

ALL THE BEST FOR 2012!!!  

   AND

A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!

Understanding People!

Somehow, it so happens that when we try to solve issues in our lives, they tend to get more and more tangled and complicated as we think deeper, instead of rendering a simple straight forward solution. Such an issue in my life is simply understanding the people I have around me!...

Now, this might not be regarded as an 'issue' by most people, but my brain just works a little differently! What truly amazes me is the variety of different situations that people are in and the way in which these situations have moulded their lives in totally different ways!...Everyone has their own way of living, specially adapted to suit one's circumstances. It is when these circumstances are not mutually understood, that misunderstandings take place. And it's this level of mutual understanding, which I'd like to call 'maturity', irrespective of age or anything else.

For instance, if someone tells us something unpleasant, it might apparently be to just hurt us, but many a times it may turn out to be a friendly suggestion to help us improve ourselves, or it may be an offhand remark from a casual person to draw some eyeballs, not really caring how we react to it. So, as we can see, the intentions may vary from being slightly negative to completely positive and the same remark may thus come from a friend or foe, alike. The rest depends on our perception of the event, which makes us react in different ways, according to our own maturity levels.

Furthermore, what needs to be understood is that there's always an unseen extension to everything that's said. For example, if you say something out of sheer confidence without much of a solid base, technically there's always an unheard 'I bet' attached to it. Similarly, when you exude confidence emphasizing you'll surely achieve something solely trusting your guts, there's always an unheard 'if I can' attached to it (remember this is the real world and not the 'Matrix'). Also, if you say 'there's no way...', it always has an unheard 'unless...' attached to it. But if we get too embroiled with these extensions it would drive us crazy; so most of us simply abstract the bit that's useful to us. Oh! well... I'd rather prefer 'let's find out', which doesn't leave much to the imagination! 

So, as I had initially mentioned, we can already see a simple remark taking on a life of its own, complicating matters as we try to delve into it. Now, a huge majority of people would just ignore such a thing, but it plays havoc in the over-working mind of a guy like me. I just cannot seem to ignore anything, no matter how small or how big it is; and analyzing it like this, probably only leads to a waste of time, but I also appreciate the fact that a clear mind is always better than a confused one. That's the true reason I decided to write this blog; to get certain things off my chest!...

Now, there are loads of related issues and questions that remain unanswered, for example:-

* Should we be influenced by someone else's attitude towards us?

* Should we give a damn to what others think about us?

* Should we live life by our own rules, even if those 'rules' are widely 'un'-accepted?

* Where exactly should we draw the line between 'friends' and 'others'?

and finally, but more obviously,..............

* Does this whole thing need to be evaluated so precisely and statistically at all?

Well, it's for you to answer all that, but I assure you its not going to be easy. Personally though, I have adapted to my own experiences and circumstances, and have decided to live my life by my own rules, because having a constant attitude, even if mildly different, is still much better than living in constant doubt, don't you think?...We must realize that ultimately, our future will be shaped by us ourselves and not by any no-good bystander! At the end of the day, we have to carry our own batons across the finish line, whether anyone else cares or not, for our own sake and for the sake of those who really care for us. So, stop "thinking" and go out there and "do" whatever you have to do, to be successful, and achieve everything you have aimed for! This is the true meaning of life!!!...So;

ALL THE BEST!!!...

& of course,

   BE THE FORCE!!!...   

How It All Began!

Well, seven to eight years back, if you would have bothered to casually stroll into the campus of The Bishops' School, Pune, you would have probably noticed a weighty guy, with his pants pulled high above his waist (owing to the orthodox principles of his teachers), wearing round glasses, standing in the assembly line and yawning, weary of having to get up every day at five in the morning in order to reach school by seven thirty... Now, it's always difficult even for the author of an article, to know how a tale will begin or end, but the middle is always fairly clear. So, in this article, I'll take a detour from the usual and start my story from the middle.

Now, there can be no marks for guessing that the person I was talking about was my former version! Yes, that's how I was in school, and even now as I paint the aforesaid portrait of myself in my mind, I cannot help but burst out laughing. An easy-going person without a care in the world, without any tension of either academics or more importantly about how to get himself into proper shape... Yup! There I was, waiting desperately for the principal to board the podium and get the daily prayers and announcements done with, so that I could just go sit in class, and let the teachers do their daily blabbing. I used to participate actively only in subjects which interested me the most, Maths being the top runner, but most teachers didn't mind that attitude of mine, as I normally (and fortunately), pulled through with one of the top two ranks in my class, albeit by studying intensely a few days before the exams.

At the time I didn't know, or more appropriately, I didn't care about what I was going to do with my life after my 10th standard was over. I was more bothered about going back home and watching my treasured cartoon shows, including Tom & Jerry (which was my favorite at the time), while I had my lunch. Things continued as usual until one day, when I was in 8th standard, my parents brought up the topic of my career, during our breakfast. They turned to me with questioning eyes as I blankly looked back at them with almost half a parantha stuffed in my mouth...

That was the first time in my life when I was forced to think about something a little more important than my daily bread or TV or, in fact, the whole business of attending school every day, finishing the three terms each year properly, visiting different tourist destinations including domestic wonders ranging from the tea gardens of Ooty to the coasts of western India and from the history of Hyderabad to the ice-capped peaks of Himachal and Sikkim during the summer vacations, returning and repeating all of this all over again. I sat quietly for some time with that yummy buttered parantha melting in my mouth, not knowing exactly what I was expected to think about... But, as usual my mother, seeing how hapless and clueless I was, came to my rescue and told me something, which at the time sounded somewhat like IIT - 'G' (actually, as I came to know later, IIT - 'JEE').

THIS WAS THE BEGINNING!!!

This set off a completely new chain of thoughts in my mind, and it was like stepping into an unknown world... The feeling was similar to that when I had seen Jurassic Park for the first time! It still would be two whole years before I would seriously give a second thought to my parents' idea and it wasn't until after my 10th boards exam that I gradually became fully aware of IIT (the Indian Institute of Technology) and the gravity of the exam JEE (Joint Entrance Exam), which needed to be cracked to get into it!... So, here I was, a guy without having any previous knowledge of puzzles, which is known to develop lateral thinking (something also which I came to know during this period itself), and equipped only with the traditional school knowledge, which hardly provides any academic insight required at this level, struggling it out with so many academic heavyweights including previous Olympiad gold medalists, to find a place in the so-called 'elite society'.

I obviously had a very hard time at the beginning, but it was during this phase of my life when I made some of the best friends anyone could ever have (including past friends who grew closer), who remain the truest of friends to this very day. Leaving the narrow-minded politics and the cut-throat competition of school-life aside, all of us started to help each other in achieving a common goal. Our maturity and we ourselves grew as time rolled by, performing equally well in the tests carried out at our coaching institute, and it wasn't long before it was time for D-Day... IIT-JEE 2009, held every year on the second Sunday of April.

We tried to give it to the best of our capabilities, and most of my friends did really well. But as for me, that year was not to be. Whether it was silly mistakes or the lack of ability to handle the final day pressure, I'll never know... The results came and almost all my friends got what they were trying for, what they had given every ounce of their blood and sweat for... They took admission into various IITs and some went to other good institutes like BITS Pilani. As for me, I had qualified JEE but my rank wasn't good enough for getting anything good in any IIT. I was getting some core subject in some NIT through AIEEE. My parents tried to indirectly advise me to take it, trying to convince me that IIT was not the last thing in the world, but isn't that what everyone says if you fail to accomplish something???

Inspite of all this, I had different ideas... I thought and absolutely believed that I deserved better. The close competition given by me to all the top notch students, my praiseworthy results in mock tests couldn't have all gone to waste, could it? It was now that I took another life changing fateful decision based on 70% belief and 30% utter guts, and that was to take a drop and give JEE again! Trust me, this decision is not an easy one to take, unless you are absolutely psyched. I have seen others who did the same, only to end up with something worse or something with so little improvement that it doesn't make a major difference, other than making you lose one precious year of your career. And all the risks were multiplied by the fact that I had already qualified that exam once...

Anyhow, I convinced my parents and stuck to my decision. I used to study in the morning and hit the gym in the evening to take out my frustration, anger and sadness for JEE 2009 on the dumbbells and the barbells! I did this for around 2 months and I'd say, overall it helped me concentrate and focus my energies on my studies, apart from making me physically fit. Then I left the gym to devote my time entirely to my studies. Hoof! All this said, basics revised and concepts strengthened, I was ready for the test once again... But what can I say, as fate would have it for me, the factors which had plagued me in 2009, also plagued me in 2010. My rank did improve but only by around 2500, which the IIT-JEE concerned people would know is not much.

I knew at the bottom of my heart and had proved time and again in the past, that I had the 'X'-factor to become an IITian, but I just couldn't understand why I wasn't being able to access my full potential when it mattered the most. Well, as they say, even people with an iron will have their limits... I had broken down, going for walks out on the street at ungodly hours, time and time again... For a few days, I understood for the first time, the difference between living and just existing... Well, after all this, I couldn't exactly say that 'time is the greatest healer', but a few days later as I finally started coming back to my senses, I glanced through the counselling brochure looking for any glimmer of hope, any silver lining beyond the dark clouds, when my attention was suddenly drawn to IT-BHU...

I researched a bit and found out that BHU was among the best universities in India, with IT-BHU ranked and considered amongst the topmost and oldest IITs in the country and something else which I had never expected to find in my wildest of imaginations! The internet was overflowing with information about the conversion of IT-BHU into an IIT! It was not guaranteed and the bill in question was still being constructed. But here was one of the greatest and oldest institutes in the country which had any chance of giving me the only thing I had been dreaming of for three long years!!! Three long years!!!

Well, fast forward to the present... Now, I have been in IT-BHU for over a year, and that fateful bill has already been passed in the Lok Sabha, and is awaiting its final approval by the Rajya Sabha... As Steve Jobs had once mentioned in his famous speech: "Let truth be spoken!"; this is the closest I have ever come to becoming an IITian, but I hope in all likelihood, that this is 'not' the closest I get... Finally, with the blessings of fate (GOD, energy, karma, destiny, whatever you say), if my dream takes shape, I would say that this epic struggle would come to a very successful ending indeed! Concluding here, many people (including me) believe that I should have cracked IIT-JEE with a better rank, with much greater ease than what is apparent, but let me tell everyone that 'life is not always a bed of roses, but sometimes you need to taste the bed of thorns to understand the essence of the roses...'

And about myself, I don't know what I can say or have the right to say, but I can definitely say this:-

I have come from being a chilled-out chunker in school to becoming the "The Fighter Within" in (I)IT-BHU, Varanasi!!!...

BE THE FORCE !!!...