Before anything else, let me just take a couple of moments to partake in India’s, or rather as our original Sanskrit name goes, Bharat’s glory, as we bask in the success of becoming the first country ever to land a probe near the moon’s South pole, and only the fourth nation to touch any part of the lunar surface at all. Also, as our PM officially inducted the African Union as a permanent member of the G20 the other day, I extend a hearty welcome to all African brothers and sisters, as Bharat takes on its responsibility as the current G20 president and voice of the global South with utmost earnestness. It is nothing short of jaw-dropping to think of the heights our country has reached within about a mere seven to eight decades of independence, inspiring the envy of past colonizers and looters, and playing right up there with the other handful of biggies of this world, who have had centuries to prosper. It is indeed a very proud and bright moment for us all!
But speaking of brightness and darkness, I have realized that both arise, to a large extent, from how we perceive a situation rather than the situation itself. Keeping that in mind, this write-up is about the possible other side of the only half-truth that we like to accept about our families or loved ones. In this regard, here’s my two cents for any new grandparents and others in similar capacity, who are trying to help out the parents of newborns, with management of their adored little ones. Most importantly, please note that what is expected from your volunteering is the treasure trove of a lifetime’s wisdom raising children, so that the baby can be fed in times of resistance caused by illness… So that the baby can be put to sleep when the recently operated on mother is at her physical and mental limit and the new dad has only had a few days or weeks to learn on the job… So that the baby’s cries can be precisely interpreted… So that the baby’s stuff can be bought in view of his or her health preferences… And so on. I recently got lectured by one such aid regarding a so-called ‘karmic’ account, and although I’m not a very religious man, I couldn’t care less about any such account of mine as I’m driven wholly and solely by logic, which is universal in nature, as two plus two is always four… Not three or five, but four! Per contra, I would surely like to invite these hypocritical kindred, who like spewing out such advice in the present context, to review their own such accounts first…
If you use your health as a crutch at every opportunity and prioritize it over that of hospital dischargees hot off the press, that too being scarcely in your late fifties, when the bulk majority of people even in their sixties and seventies, who are out to help and doing a good job, usually have some or the other major health concern, it speaks volumes about your dedication. If for some reason you do not have the aptitude for handling a baby even after decades of similar first-hand experience, trying your best in that direction is still appreciable. However, if you switch your attention to other menial jobs like grocery shopping in an age where home deliveries are commonplace, or spending as much time as possible in the kitchen with phone in hand and minimal output, to escape from the baby’s responsibilities, and expect a boat load of appreciation for glorified ubiety, then that is like hiring a gardener with the vision of a beautiful flowery garden, and the only thing he does is sweep dirt off your porch expecting a pay-raise. If you think of a particular gender as principally inferior, with any assertion of parity bordering on villainy, and try to fit them into a vile pre-defined template instead of seeking any required professional counseling against archaic prejudices, and allow it to affect your present-day relationships, it is simply pitiful. If you expend more effort searching for incivility in constructive feedback rather than ways to better assist, with basic post-natal needs required to be laid out in funereal round-table conferences, then it just demonstrates how low your EQ is. If you ignore the baby's cries from right next door, when you can be heard discussing about it, but on most occasions wait for a formal invitation to come and check, it simply reflects the level of care that you possess. If you choose to be a mum spectator in most times of crisis, in a dither over any reaction an opinion might generate, instead of trying to sooth the baby, it just echoes how skewed your precedences are. If you complain about a scant half hour of lost shuteye for apathetic watchfulness at best, after binging your favorite soaps late into the night, it simply shows your aversion towards making the littlest sacrifices. And lastly and most unforgivably, if you abandon a mere few months old baby leave alone your own grandchild in his or her hour of need, trying to hide behind a veil of fictitious accusations and double standards, shedding crocodile tears and taking narcissism to new apogees, only because you didn’t have the grace to accept and take a truth in your stride to try to improve upon it, then that is unacceptable by any measure!
I had once heard on a forum something which has stuck with me ever since, due to the awful lot of sense it makes, that if you want to successfully raise and hold on to a family, the first thing you need to shed is your ego, which is also the primary cause for stonewalling, probably one of the worst ways of dealing with any issue, offering no conflict resolution and creating long term hostility. Household skirmishes in cohesive Indian families, be it joint or nuclear, are abounding, but in the interest of those parties often wrongly accused in such scenarios, thanks to aged sympathy gatherers running smear campaigns, wretchedly trying to push through a twisted rhetoric, this article became a must-write. Being surrounded by ‘yes’ men, superficial sweet talkers and silent spouses can often take one away from reality, but blind self-righteousness is destructive! Afterall, while merrily trying to dig a grave for another, one must be wary of driving the last nail in their own coffin...
Anyways, coming down to specifics, I’ve never been an average joe who gets flustered at every fork and turn. I’ve always put my duties ahead of myself, but if I were to ever face any such status quo altering situation, I'd simply analyze, infer and move on in a heartbeat. Life has never been a strict barter system for me, but for those who contribute 'X' for you now, only expecting to reap 'Y' from you for the remainder of their lives, that's not how businesses work, do they? At every stage of life every member of a family has a certain percentage of responsibility towards himself, each other and society as a whole. For example, if I am doing my 80% now by facilitating my child's education and he is taking the opportunity to develop seriously, then he is already holding up the 20% at his end of the bargain in real time. This distribution shifts as time progresses, but it doesn't change the fact that I have to do or at least give an honest try towards accomplishing whatever responsibilities lie on my plate at any given instance. Genuine respect, often befuddled with frivolous situational pleasantries, is not some low hanging fruit which you are automatically entitled to based on your age or post, but is dynamic and earned or lost gradually with your every single action, and if its completely gone then all bets are off! Someone who commits ten misdeeds then prays ten times each day, is far worse than someone who doesn't do either.
Taking a leaf out of our Hon'ble EAM Jaishankar's speech, where he cited that "Europe has to grow out of the mindset that Europe's problems are the world's problems, but the world's problems are not Europe's problems", it is uncanny how the same can be said for certain individuals as well. So, wishing good luck to all new parents and hoping that our nation always has forward thinking citizens along with the best leadership…
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